Why not me?

A question -I've been asking myself a lot lately...

I've been reading a new book of which I absolutely love, Start with Yourself by Emma Grede. If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it- especially if you have big dreams or just need a little encouragement or motivation. And if you don't have time to sit down with a full book, her short videos are just as powerful! I promise!

I connect with her on a deep level. Our personalities are very different-- I'm a bit softer spoken-- but I feel that same fire inside that she describes in her book. She too- didn't have it easy. She grew up without her father, her mom worked multiple jobs, and she had to help raise her younger siblings.

While our stories aren't identical, I understand that kind of weight on a deep level.

I've had my own hardship- losing my mom young, losing my brother in a robbery gone wrong while I was in college, helping to guide my younger brothers, growing up in a divorced family ....and more. It's not easy. Anyone who's faced adversity knows the feeling- it's like constantly swimming upstream and never knowing when you'll catch a break.

But I truly believe we ALWAYS have two choices:

1. Surrender and become a victim

2. Take your power back and change your narrative

I'm grateful I chose the second.

At the same time, I learned something early on: you can't effectively help others, if you don't help yourself first. And while it may seem selfish (or society may tell us it is), I continue to apply this theory today. We've all heard that analogy about putting your own oxygen mask on first. Especially if you're a mom (I've heard it over and over). I've never loved this analogy (in fact, I think it's corny), but it is true!

For example, when my twin brother died (while I was in college), I wanted to move back home so badly to be there for my younger brothers. I wanted to guide them, support them, and be present. But I also knew that I needed to finish my degree for ME. And to lead by example.

I drove home on the weekends whenever I could to help, but I didn't abandon my own path and dreams. Emma talks about this concept a lot in her book.

There were other sacrifices I had to make too. Paying for therapy when I could barely afford to live. Interning at a TV station in the mornings for free, then working second and third shifts at a group home at night to pay the bills. It wasn’t easy - but it was an investment in my future, and I chose it.

And even now, as a mom, that same mindset applies.

If I want to grow as a writer, promote my book, and continue to work on my second one, I have to be VERY intentional about my time, as I have a full-time job too! That means, early mornings, late nights and using the resources and small pockets of time that I do have.

Also- I work in fields where I put myself out there both physically (teaching yoga and Pilates) and mentally. For example, I just spoke this past weekend in front of a hundred plus people about my hardships and adversities (it's not easy). But I do it because I love the idea of making an impact (even a small one), and I fill my own cup too.

I take a nap and rest when I'm exhausted. I go for a walk to clear my head when I need it. I take my dog to the dog park and daydream. I meet my best friend for dinner and a walk around Target (and tuck the mom guilt aside the best I can). I listen to my favorite true crime podcast (YES, I’m that person), and I hide and eat my favorite sea-salted dark chocolates in the panty alone.

And I don’t drink alcohol- because I don’t have the time, and I want to be fully present with the time I do have. And I keep on filling my cup so I can show up for the people that I love the most.

It's not negotiable... it's necessary.

AND I continue to prioritize self-care, and work toward becoming the best version of myself to stay aligned about what I want. And when I get inside my head and start to become my own worst critic (yep, it happens to all of us!) …I rephrase that thought, remember how far I've come and ask myself:

"Why not me?!"

And- “What do I need to do to believe in myself and fill my cup again?!

It takes an intentional effort - but I hope you’ll do the same🤍